Saturday, March 21, 2009

Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I have accumulated my fair share of scars over the years, both physical and emotional. I think it is a good thing to retain these scars, however. They remind me of what I have been through, and that I have survived. Whenever life hands me more than I think I can handle, I simply look at those scars and remember how much I have gotten through. I was there when the newborns in Mexico were destroyed by the Volturi. My strength was failing me and one particularly strong newborn who saw I was the key to getting to Aro got a bit too close. Luckily I escaped with only a scar and Aro remained untouched. I was also there when we dealt with the immortal children. That experience left me with both physical and emotional scars. It was heartbreaking to see those precious children destroyed and yet I knew we had no other options. I had the unpleasant task of carrying one of those children to its funeral pyre while Felix and Corin held back its creator. I was so lost in the beautiful crimson eyes of that child, that I almost didn't feel it when he bit me. I did not have the heart to try and block the boy and so I let him try to fight back until he was destroyed by the flames. I have a new scar, too, that I acquired just this week, courtesy of Felix. But there have been many other experiences that have left their mark on me. Sometimes I stand in front of a mirror for hours, counting and remembering the experiences that gave them to me. It helps me to remember who I am and what I stand for. I may complain about the Volturi but I know we are necessary. Without us, the vampire community would fall into chaos. Mortal lives would be needlessly shed. The world would see a reign of terror unknown before. Some may hate us for it, but in a way we save the lives of more mortals than we would ever kill. Governments are always necessary, even when those they govern disagree with their methods or their policies. Since I have chosen (or was forced) to align myself with this governing body, I have the duty, the curse, and the blessing to ensure that order is kept in our world. And so my line of work and my decisions have left my body marked with memories of my past. When we make the rest of the world forget us and what we have done, I will always have my own personal reminders. I will never be allowed to forget my past. No matter where I go or what choices I make, these scars will always be there telling the story of who I was and what I have done.

Listening to: Rise Against - Swing Life Away