Thursday, March 19, 2009

I've wished my emotions would just give in

Like anyone I've learned to play like I'm blind
I've learned to believe I'll always get by
Life moves on or so I'm told
Life moves on when you're gone.

if there's one thing i've learned in all my years, it's that life goes on. life will always move on, whether you want it to or not. life waits for no man or woman, whether mortal or immortal. and so we all must make the choice to move with it or fight the losing war and try to remain in the past. i have chosen to move on. and so i'm turning my villa, my little sanctuary, my little piece of heaven, into a home. between furnishing my home and decorating for the festivities that will take place for st. marcus's day, i have been kept busy enough that i have not been able to dwell on the past. this is always the best way for me to heal. if i'm left alone with idle hands i will only spiral further into my depression. i am also lucky enough to have an amazing family surrounding me. my dear heidi has returned home, and demetri has stood by me since the beginning. jane and alec have shown their support, in their own special way, which resulted in felix being dyed green for the better part of a day. chelsea and afton as well have been so dear to me. and santiago, who has volunteered to help me turn this bare set of walls into a suitable home. he even brought me a housewarming gift in the form of the cat pictured above. santi knows i have a tendency to get lonely quickly, even when i don't want the companionship of people. luckily the scent of its blood does not appeal to me at all, although i must take care when having others around. i have named him erwin, in honor of erwin schrodinger. if you have to ask what the irony in this is, you wouldn't understand. i also plan to keep him far away from alec and jane as i do not want a vampire cat. but that is beside the point. i suppose that my point is, that this is my path in life. whether or not it was the right decision to make, i do not know. what i do know is that i must make the best with what i have chosen. the first part of making the best of all of this is making my own place in the chaos that surrounds me. and so i go back to sitting in my newly decorated living room, having a drink (you most likely don't want to know of what), and watching audrey hepburn movies with a dear friend.

Listening to: Blacklisted - Life Moves On