Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I've waited so long to say this to you

Everything in this world
All that I'll ever need
Is in your eyes
Shining at me

It's done.

We were gone and back before anyone missed us. It's not exactly how I would've wanted it, but in light of recent events, I'd rather not force Corin through the hoopla of a big wedding. Maybe when things get back to normal (will they ever be normal?) I can have the wedding of my dreams. For right now, though, a courthouse will suffice.

I'm still not telling anyone. If they find out, if they notice the bands on our hands, fine. But I refuse to make a big deal of it. I don't exactly want to explain why my hand was...not forced, but why my mind was persuaded to choose this path. I admit, it's because of Corin and her. After seeing Corin ripped apart like that, I wanted to bind Santiago to me in every way possible, and I wanted to bind myself to him. I went home after my shift had finished and just laid beside him fo a few hours before getting up the courage to tell him what I wanted. He was surprised, but not too badly. He knows my personality well enough by now, he knows that I would go from the extreme of unhappiness to what I think the most extreme end of happiness should be.

Here we are, husband and wife, although I've already failed him there. I can't bring myself to be his wife in the truest sense of the word, not with the heaviness weighing down my heart. But at least the ties are there. I only hope they are ones that can never be broken.

Listening to: 98 Degrees - I Do (Cherish You)