we interrupt your regularly scheduled blog

dear readers,

kindly go to http://www.dazzleawards2009.webs.com/vote.htm and vote for EdCullen, italyburns and Accident_Prone under "Best Twilight Twitter." i would love you dearly if one of my fellow coven members won. and i will send you virtual cookies. or real cookies if i know you.

xoxo

renata

I'm on a rollercoaster ride

I don't know why I gave you my heart
Cause sometimes it feels so wrong
But in spite of all this weather
I know why we are together
And I swear right now
That I'm right where I belong

I don't really have much to write about right now. I just wanted to get the pictures up. I'll write more tomorrow as I'm sure you all are waiting to know what San and I will decide. I want to know as well.

Listening to: 3 Doors Down - Right Where I Belong

a sunset couldn't save me now

You have tamed me
Now you must take me
How am I supposed to be
I don't have my thorns now

Oh mia Italia. Sometimes I forget just how much of a majestic beauty you are. This trip to Piedmont has reminded me of just how incomprehensible is the magnificence of this country. I have greatly enjoyed my first day back to the Alps in quite some time. Santiago and I are staying at the beautiful Kempinski Pragelato Village and have spent every possible moment out in the snow. I had my first snowboarding lesson today and was doing quite well until one human's scent hit me like a ton of bricks and I lost my concentration. Santi had quite the laugh at my expense as I lay face down in the snow. For the rest of the day, I enjoyed taking it easy on some of the less difficult ski runs. San on the other hand, decided to show off for the mortals and had a good sized crowd watching him snowboard by the end of the evening. I shall have to remember to talk to him about blending in while we are not in the comfort of Volterra.
When the sun started to set, we left our equipment at the hotel and went to watch the sunset over Lake Maggiore. It was quite literally breathtaking, even for one who has no breath. I am determined to watch the sunrise tomorrow morning. After the sun had disappeared completely, San and I went for a leisurely walk with the moonlight reflecting on the snow around us. We certainly had a lot to discuss.
For starters, we talked about our own personal histories. We've known some of each others, the basics, but never really the deep details. San knew more about mine, but he's always been very quiet about his past to all of the Volturi. I knew he had grown up in a broken and dysfunctional family. His father was an alcoholic and abusive towards his mother and himself, as well as his younger siblings. And yet his mother loved his father endlessly and couldn't bring herself to leave him. This was the first time the idea of love had left a bitter taste in his mouth. Santiago left his home as soon as possible and joined the Chilean navy. At the age of 23 he was serving aboard the Blanco Encalada when the Chilean Civil War began in 1891. He was one of the handful of crew members to survive when the "Blanco" sank, although just barely. He was taken to a hospital that was sympathetic towards the congressional rebels. There he met a pretty young nurse who helped him regain his strength. When he was healed, he went back to the congressional navy. He wrote to the nurse almost every day. He was sent to La Placilla where the final and decisive battle of the war was to take place. He didn't get her letter informing him that she, too, would be there tending to the wounded on the battle field until it was too late. He later found her body. She had been caught in the crossfire while tending to a wounded rebel soldier. The battle ended and the rebels had won. Santiago had sustained several minor injuries that would not have nearly killed him, had he sought medical attention. As distraught as he was and having no where to go but a broken home, he wandered from town to town until his strength gave out and he laid down to finally die. Fortunately, or unfortunately, however you view it, a nomadic vampire was passing through the same town. Santiago doesn't know who his creator was or why they took pity on him and changed him. He only remembers waking up to discover what he had become and decided to leave his metaphorical heart behind now that his physical heart was no longer beating.
I apologize for the lengthy sidetrack, but I feel it is necesary to understand both of our histories in order to fully comprehend the situation in which we now stand. Santiago has gone nearly 120 years without feeling the need to truly love anyone around him. I, on the other hand, swore to give my life to my God over 400 years ago and have never felt the need to go back on my promise. Neither of us know where we are headed. Was that kiss simply a result of the pressure getting to both of us and the fear of not seeing the other alive again? Are these feelings merely an illusion? The need for two lonely people to find someone to belong to? Or are they genuine? We don't know what to do now. I guess we'll just finish this trip and see where we go.

Listening to: Regina Spektor - Baobabs

Don't say good-bye, just dry your eyes

Leave me once
Leave me twice
Kiss good-bye that will suffice
When you go away
Don't look back
Leave me once and i'll be fine
Leave me twice i'll make you mine
Just one more chance to make it once again

We were partially correct about our newborn/stalker theory. Maggie and I found out the truth rather unexpectedly last night. While Siobhan and Santiago were in Ireland searching for the trail of our unknown vampire, Maggie came to stay with me in Volterra in hopes that she would be safer. Our plan backfired on us, though. While Siv and San were in the air flying from Ireland to London, Maggie and I found the stalker at my villa. This is what we learned: The stalker's name was Carlos. He was the student that Maggie had once taught. He was created by a vampire by the name of Luis who seemed to have a personal vendetta against the Volturi. Luis and his mate were caught in the crossfire of the newborn wars in Mexico and his mate was killed by Caius. It left him completely shattered and for decades he as lived as a nomad, barely managing to function. He recently found his way to Europe and had an awakening. He decided to create a mass of newborns near to the Volturi in hopes of drawing out Caius and the others so that he could get his revenge. His first creation was Sophia who helped to train and control the newborns. His second creation was Carlos. When Carlos told Luis of Maggie, Luis realized she must be a vampire, and mistakenly believed she was a member of the Volturi. When he went to find her in Ireland, Carlos realized Maggie was not a Volturi, but overheard a telephone conversation with me and realized that he could capture both his beloved and a Volturi in one fell swoop. And so Carlos set about scaring the Irish coven from their home. He guessed correctly when he thought that Siobhan would send Maggie to the safest place imaginable: Volterra. Maggie and I walked right into his trap but he made a grave mistake when he underestimated just how strong my power was. He also was not expecting an experienced fighter. Fool. He was alive long enoug to tell us just what we needed to know. By that time, Siobhan and Santiago had found out what happened and made their way to Italy.
Carlos told us all about Luis's plan to attack Volterra, and just in time. The newborns were to assemble in Sughera just before dawn, only a half hour outside of Volterra. Santiago and Siobhan drove to the France-Spain border to find Luis's hideout and managed to kill him with enough time to make their way back to Sughera while killing any newborns they came across along the way. They managed to come across Corin and Afton on their way. In the meantime, the rest of the guard left in Volterra set out to Sughera in order to attack the newborns before they could attack us. With my powers combined with those of Jane and Alec, we managed to cause confusion and infighting amongst the newborns. Unfortunately not all of them were affected by our powers, and so we had to resort to hand to hand combat. In all the chaos, I lost track of my family and friends. I was unable to shield all of them, and Maggie was left vulnerable to a group of newborns. She was injured, but not too bad. Siobhan made it to her side just in time and began fighting off the newborns single-handedly. Santiago tried to help her but then realized that Liam and Felix had disappeared after some newborns who had run away. Just when we nearly lost Siv, Santiago came back and between the two of them, they finished off the rest. Somehow we managed to survive and not lose a single family member. So we all are back at my place, celebrating and enjoying yet another victory for the Volturi and those who fight on their side. But I must end my recap here as I still need to have a long discussion with Santiago about yesterday's events.

Listening to: All-American Rejects - Don't Leave Me

I used to say get over it

Since I know you I don't know myself
My lonely soul is longing to be by your side
But day by day I realize that you never will be mine
Why can't you be mine?

Once again, I am left behind. Santiago and Demetri are in the UK picking up the scent of Maggie's stalker. We believe whoever is following her is connected with our newborn creator in Spain, given the messages he has left her, specifically a recording on her iPod saying "Spain is a lovely place this time of year." Even Siobhan has now gotten involved, meeting up with San and Dem to try to pick up the trail of the stalker. While they start in Ireland, Chelsea, Afton, and Corin will begin searching throughout Spain for any newborns who can give us clues about their maker. Based on what we have to go off of, here is what we think has happened: a boy that Maggie once tutored in sculpture has been turned by our newborn creator. While he was still mortal, he developed a crush on Maggie it seems, and now as a vampire has tracked her down. His actions have gone so far that Siobhan has had to move the coven temporarily. I won't reveal their location in order to preserve their safety. This particular newborn, if that is indeed what he is, is part Spanish and would most likely have been in Spain during the time our mysterious creator started his spree. Hopefully San, Dem, and Siv can catch up to the stalker and get some much needed information out of him. After that newborn has been dealt with, Santiago will then join the search in Spain. Siobhan has not yet decided if she will be joining him or not, but will do so when the time comes. Unfortunately Demetri will only be able to point out the trail and then will have to return to Heidi, as he is needed at home. And so I stay in Volterra, waiting by the phone for news of my family.
Yet the worst part of all of this, is the newest development. As San ran out the door to catch his plane, he suddenly grabbed me, and kissed me. Before I could process what was happening, he had run off towards the airport. I only wish he wasn't the faster runner. Now I have to wait until he gets back to make him explain himself.

Listening to: Me & My - You Left Me

Give me hope somehow

I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around's breaking down my chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
Everything around's breaking down my chaos

It appears we are yet again facing another newborn problem, this time close to home. Every few years this happens, last time it was in Seattle where Victoria built her army. This time there is a rampant vampire in Spain. There have been a slew of newborns running uncontrolled around Madrid. Apparently the one we found yesterday is just one of many. We managed to get a small amount of information from him before he had to be destroyed. We know our rogue vampire is a male who appears to be native to Spain, more specifically the Andalusia region given what our newborn could pick up from his accent. It seems his victims are random, chosen by who happens to be nearby when the mood strikes him. The only good news from this episode is that it seems to merely be a vampire amusing himself, and not creating an army. Santiago and I talked at length this evening on how to find the creator and what to do in the meantime. We need to find more of the newborns and try to get what information we can out of them before destroying all of them. But we can't let Madrid remain subject to the terrors of these newborns. I believe that a number of the guard will be sent to Spain to investigate, most likely including Santiago, Demetri, Corin, Afton, and Chelsea. Chelsea will be invaluable if she can manage to make the newborns feel more comfortable around the guard so that they will come back to Volterra to be interrogated. Once enough information is gained about our culprit, Demetri will then be able to track him. I, of course, will stay home, as always. Together with Alec, Jane, and Felix we will guard Volterra in case this vampire decides to leave Spain and travel closer to Italy. And so the guard prepares to fight once more and to bring some semblance of order back to this chaotic, secret world of ours.

Listening to: Mute Math - Chaos

What makes you think I’ll leave you?

When you see me, I will save you; I will pull you out,
When believing looks deceiving, I won’t let you down,
Nobody wants you when you’re gone,
And everything is leaving,
I’ve seen everything, you’ve ever done, you’ll ever be don’t run away,
I came to save you,
Always been the way, follow me I’ll lead you home

I know it's such a mortal cliche but I really do despise Mondays. After a weekend filled with tourists and "business," there's so much to take care of on Monday. It didn't help any that I took my own dear, sweet time getting ready this morning and ended up being late for duty. I think I'm the only vampire in the world who can't seem to be on time to save her unlife. When I ran into the throne room 15 minutes late, I could tell Aro was already upset with me. However, there were more pressing matters to attend to so he saved the lecture for later. Besides the usual eye rolls, smirks, and disapproving looks, I noticed a strange vampire whom I had never seen before. From the way his crimson eyes darted wildly around the room and how Felix and Afton stood on either side of him, posed as if to strike at any moment, I could tell he was a newborn. After I had taken my normal place behind Aro, Caius, and Marcus, the discussion continued. He had been found in Spain, wreaking havoc in Madrid. Aro gave the same speech he gave every time we dealt with an unruly newborn, about secrecy and the need to blend in. To my left I could tell Santiago was trying to pick up on any special talents that this newborn had. After I determined that my services would not be needed during this interview, I let my mind wander. I stared out one of the windows and listened closely to the sounds drifting up from the street below. I listened to a group of children playing a game of football out on the piazza. I heard a wife arguing with her husband, complaining how he had come home late smelling of alcohol and other women. I heard two young lovers speaking in hushed tones of their future plans. I was just beginning to listen as a mother taught her child to say her alphabet when a flash of movement swiftly brought me back to the throne room. The newborn was running from between Felix and Afton and headed straight for Aro. I almost didn't react quickly enough. I felt the pull of Santiago's own powers as he prepared to shield should I fail. I managed to regain my senses fast enough, but just barely. It took me less than half a second to take in the scene and shield my master, but the newborn had gotten much too close for anyone's comfort. He was diverted less than a foot away from Aro. As soon as the newborn was distracted and suddenly trying to remember what he was doing, the male guard members descended upon him. The Volturi do not tolerate attacks on those who we serve. After the newborn had been dealt with, we were excused for the day. It seems that in light of my saving him, Aro decided to ignore my tardiness. As I exited the throne room and headed down to the tunnels to exit the city limits unseen, someone grabbed me by the wrist. Before I turned around, I knew it was Santiago, I could tell by his scent. I saw the question in his eyes before he spoke it. "What happened Ren?" he demanded. "Where was your head?" I could have played ignorant. I could have acted as if I had the situation entirely under my control. But he knows me better than that. So instead I told him the truth. I told him that I had once again been daydreaming, as I do almost every time I am called to guard Aro. I told him that I had gotten lost in listening to the sounds of normal life, of life that I was deprived of, that we both had been deprived of. I told him that I, the shield, had let my guard down. He looked at me with disbelief in his eyes as he dropped my hand. I turned and continue walking, no, running away from Volterra, away from my near fatal mistake, away from a too close save. No one followed me.

Listening to: Exit East - I Will Save You